Thursday, April 10, 2014

Cyborg : Twenty-Four Years Later

Back in the spring of 1990, I visited my relatives in Ireland. I remember quite a few things of this week away. One of which was watching a host of martial arts movies. The ones I recall the best were Kickboxer, with Jean Claude Van Damme as well as China O'Brien I and II starring Cynthia Rothrock.

I also remember not getting to see one film - Cyborg starring the aforementioned Van Damme.

You see, I was ten years old back then and these films were rated 18. I only got to watch them because my cousins were older than me and they had been rented out.

Cyborg was off limits because there was supposed to have been a crucifixion scene in it. The fact I was in Ireland should hint that my family are Catholic. No way was Van Damme Jesus.

On the Saturday of the big match, I was being looked after by my aunt. She gave me some money to head off to the video rental shop and loan a film to watch.

This is where Plan A went in to effect.

It seemed so perfect in my mind. I was going to rent Cyborg, take it back to the house and - once my aunt realised what I had done - it would have been too late. I figured that once it was in my possession, I would have to watch it, right?

I waltzed in to the video shop. Headed towards the martial arts films, picked up the case and took it to the counter.

I can vividly remember what happens next.
There was an '18' right after the 'G'

The lady behind the counter gave me a glare. Her index finger ascended as high as it could. I followed it with my gaze. Up it went. And down it landed. On top of the '18' on the box.

No words were uttered by her or I. I placed the case back on its shelf and left a defeated under-eighteen year old.

It's worth noting that my aunt figured out what would happen and she was rushing down the hill as I was embarking back up it.

This is when Plan B kicks in.

When I went back in to the shop with my aunt as back-up, I picked up the video case again.

'I told you this isn't suitable'.

Mission Cyborg failed.

Until now.

I have recently been enjoying films via Now TV after being given a three month pass after buying a new LG TV. When I first looked through the menu of movies, Cyborg was one of the first to catch my attention just because of the memory of trying to see it when I was a child. I never did get to see it so am going to do it right now.

I'm going to pause writing this post and will return after I have finished the movie.

* * *

After watching the film, the first thing I can say is it does not hold up well at all.

The story is set in post apocalyptic America. The country has been devastated by a plague and there's a cyborg who needs to bring the remedy from New York to Atlanta. The only problem is, she is kidnapped by pirates who want to take her to Atlanta themselves. Van Damme plays a sort of Mad Max role here (his character is even called Gibson so I guess it is a homage to Mad Max). The pirates had killed his wife and son (same thing happened in Mad Max) and so he ends up going after them and saving the cyborg.

It's what you would expect from an '80s action movie. 

And yes, I can see exactly why my aunt wasn't happy with me watching the movie. 

I don't even know if the ten year old me would have found this any good. This thirty-four year old isn't fussed on it.

At least I have seen it now.

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